last year, i bought a book titled, "why men love bitches" and i just now picked it up again to leaf through the pages for some good quotes for a facebook status. i landed on page 70 of the book and, upon remembering the content, chuckled to myself. i figured i'd share this with y'all because some of you may enjoy this or need a laugh for the day. ENJOY! :)
How To Fake An Orgasm - The Animated Guide---> arch your back at a 45-degree angle and pant like a dog.
---> recite a couple of bad lines from a b-rated blue movie (remember those?) example: tell big poppa he does it for you like no one else can.
---> and the basics: "yes, yes, yes... harder, harder... don't stop!!!" then you'll want to immediately slap the nearest pillow.
---> mix it up. this means sometimes you'll want to slap the pillow then scream, other times you want to scream first, then slap the pillow. men love variety.
---> don't forget to suck your finger.
---> now for show and tell: ask him whose "it" is, and tell him that it's his! (yes it is)
---> if he switches positions, stops for a rest, or reaches for a drink of water, pay no attention and keep screaming anyway.
---> now for the alleged orgasm: scream like a banshee, and begin those kegel exercises. squeeze... release... squeeze... release.
---> and after sex, don't forget pillow talk. you've had two men before him. (okay, three, tops. but that's your final offer.)
WARNING: IF YOUR MAN SEES THIS, IT COULD HAVE AN ADVERSE EFFECT (erectile dysfunction)
---> recite a couple of bad lines from a b-rated blue movie (remember those?) example: tell big poppa he does it for you like no one else can.
---> and the basics: "yes, yes, yes... harder, harder... don't stop!!!" then you'll want to immediately slap the nearest pillow.
---> mix it up. this means sometimes you'll want to slap the pillow then scream, other times you want to scream first, then slap the pillow. men love variety.
---> don't forget to suck your finger.
---> now for show and tell: ask him whose "it" is, and tell him that it's his! (yes it is)
---> if he switches positions, stops for a rest, or reaches for a drink of water, pay no attention and keep screaming anyway.
---> now for the alleged orgasm: scream like a banshee, and begin those kegel exercises. squeeze... release... squeeze... release.
---> and after sex, don't forget pillow talk. you've had two men before him. (okay, three, tops. but that's your final offer.)
WARNING: IF YOUR MAN SEES THIS, IT COULD HAVE AN ADVERSE EFFECT (erectile dysfunction)
- an excerpt from why men love bitches by sherry argov.
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